Week in review

We aren't doing the biopsy. I am having trouble with this decision, but understand it. The answer is death either way. The question is how long before dead and whether more pills would help. The bigger question is when to say she has had enough. She hates the meds, is having more accidents. She has days of being herself, but not all days. Cats can be spiteful things, so not sure if accidents are signs of death or anger. Time will tell. But, there will be no chemo or extraordinary means. I hope this is what she wants. She still can't speak english. Which makes this suck more.
For now, she is holding her own. We will keep helping her fight as longs as she is able. I hope that will be a while. Meanwhile, this is it. Clean puke and diarrhea off stuff, do lots of laundry, change litter all the time and listen to her gurgle. Such is life. I am trying to be active and myself through all this and be professional at work. I fail more some days than others. We have that in common, Cleo and i. Good days and bad. Yesterday i went for a run. Today i cried. But bargaining time is done. Now we trudge toward the inevitable.
She isn't playful the last couple of days. Or curious. But she has her moments where she still follows us around and acts like she is interested in the world. So, we aren't there yet. I am so sorry she has to go through this. I am so sorry i can not make this better. She trusts me and comes to me when it bothers her, but in the end, all i can do is pet her and be there. In that way i feel i have failed her.
Callie however remains her usual mess of a self, but is less jealous now. She knows the attention Cleo is getting is not the good kind as often as it is the good kind. She is getting back to her old habits and not trying to get to us at med time anymore. Maybe she is smarter than i thought...